I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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