just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
