my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
