Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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