walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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