Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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