I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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