I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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