ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize