I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
