mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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