I'm so fucking centered right now
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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