I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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