The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
