...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
