There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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