Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
