You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
