Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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