How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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