Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
