my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
