Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
