My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
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