You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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