You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
