so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
