He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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