The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
