how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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