I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
