If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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