Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
