***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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