The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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