That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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