you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
