thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
