if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
