Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I have feelings that need drinking.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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