So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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