I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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