Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
birth control should be required to get into college
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
