I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
