3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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