Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize