I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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