So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
