I look better un-naked...
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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