I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
she peed on how many people?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
