South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
