you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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