STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
