I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
vagina is talking i cant
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
