This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
