I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize