I'm really into asian looking animals
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
