Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
