Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
