U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
