you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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