it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize