He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
