Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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