I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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