By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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