Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
