So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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