Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I need to stop coming to work sober
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
