I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize